Fluffy

        In this essay I would like to take a second to say a word about my cat Fluffy. First of all did I say my cat was fluffy! My cat is both Fluffy (a name) and fluffy (a thing). When I think of my cat (named Fluffy) I first think of fluffiness. That is if fluffiness is a word! I'll look it up. Yes, it is definitely a word. Fluffiness, this is the way of my cat. The dictionary says one definition of fluff is "Something of little consequence" but this is not the Fluffy I know and love. Mr. Webster (or is it Dr.???) I'll have you know that my cat is huge! I feed it five times a day! Sometimes more.

        Fluffy likes to sit on the heater in the winter, and amazing but true Fluffy gets even more fluffy when this astounding event happens. It's Fluffy, there's two of you, you damn cat! Ha ha! Fluffy walks around, doesn't snore, and likes water. Sometimes my cat (Fluffy) eats hot dogs but I don't know how she gets them. They're illegal for cats. In a perfect world Fluffy can eat hot dogs but not this one, one time when she had a hot dog in her mouth there was thunder outside, it was like "Fluffy, this is God, put down that hot dog right now!" We all laughed and laughed. My mom's name is not Fluffy. It is Katherine. Fluffy sometimes walks like she is really, quite, stupid, but she's not. Like one time she fell asleep on the toaster, right when it was making toast! We explained the toast "situation" to my cat but there she was, again, two weeks later, sitting on the toaster, like she completely hadn't listened to us. Fluffy you can be so dumb but I love you anyway and you know that, you damn cat! Ha ha! Katherine is big like Fluffy but sometimes mean, she makes me go to bed but Fluffy is still walking around and I'd like to know. Where is the justice? Where is the freedom? Am I not a free country? Is there not a free president? How can someone commit these atrocious acts? I'd like to know, but I love my mom (Katherine) anyway, you know that Katherine! If you're reading this! Ha ha! (She's not.) By the way Katherine we have a Constitution that gives us a word called "unalienable rights", believe me, if you don't look it up. Unalienable. If I was a comedian (some say yes, some say no), I would say that funny word a lot. The word rights is not funny by contrast.

        In conclusion, I know you learned a lot about a cat named Fluffy. That was my goal, and I never set goals I don't have. Cats are amazing people, but Fluffy is no more amazing than the next cat. Bigger, yes. Lovabler. Yes. But an amazing cat? No. Just a fluffy one.