Geneffects: Pizza Coupon

I eat at this particular pizza place a lot 'cause they're pretty good and they are right next to where I work and they aren't totally adverse to walking my particular hoagie or pizza over to me so I don't have to like totally abandon my post. So I get this kind of chicken pizza and now keep in mind that I've had plenty of bad experiences with chicken before so when I bite into something hard it doesn't really phase me. Probably a chicken bone. I fish it out of my mouth and it is, after all, not a chicken bone. Lo and behold I just pulled a sharp piece of clear glass from my mouth.

"Woah, dude" says the guy sitting next to me.

"Seriously," I say.

"That's fucked up."

"I totally know."

I call the pizza place and am like, "hey I just ordered a pizza and all and I have like sort of bad news or whatever? It's like, I didn't order broken glass as an extra topping. ... Yeah, I'm not kidding. ... Yeah I still have it. ... Could I like... ... Okay I'll hold. ... ... ... ... ... Right. So could you like..."

I end up getting this coupon for a free Medium pizza ("dude, you should totally like get a free large or something") and the crazy thing is it looks like this sort of shit happens all the time. The coupon has some straight-out-my-nightmares kind of anthropomorphized fork saying "Oops!" and on the back there's this general apology with an alphabetized checklist of what piece of trash accidentally ended up on your pizza:

Bottle Cap
Cigarette Butt
Condom
Glass Shard
Rat Dropping
OTHER: __________

Totally frkn crazy, and they still won't give me a job.

Geneffects

Pizza Coupon

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