Geneffects: My Retro Career Muh-Muh-Muh-Melted

The analogies between interviewing for a job are so obvious they slap you in the face like a young lady who doesn't appreciate your curious hands. Of course, there's the obvious: Sell yourself! You're smart! You're funny! It's always a plus to have good references. Dress up! C'mon, smile! Then there's also this: If you get too excited about the prospect of a new job/date, there is no way the possibility will materialize.

You see that cute/sexy hunk/honey from across the club/bar/library and you are instantly smitten. You work up the nerve to approach him/her. Maybe run a hand through your hair. Smell your own breath. Take one final confidence-building swig from your PBR then you make that first step that causes the momentum to keep you going in his/her direction. You approach and suddenly he/she looks up! Before you're ready! Holy shit! Quickly duck to the side and pretend like you really wanted to be checking out the yogurt isle. Okay, c'mon, it was no biggie. Just try again. All right. Okay, you're standing next to him/her, so you'd better say something.

You: "Hey"

Them: "Hey"

You: "Do I know you? I mean, have we met before?"

Them: "No, I don't think so"

You: "Well I couldn't help but notice you reading that book on genetic algorithms. Finding it interesting?"

"Interesting? It's only like the most interesting branch of computer science! I don't know how many time's I've read this Melanie Mitchell volume."

You: "For real? I'm like working on a meta-evolution of GP right now!"

Them: "No kidding!"

You: "Hey, what's your favorite movie?"

Them: "Tommy Boy... or perhaps Office Space"

You: "Are you kidding? Seriousy, you must be kidding. Those have gotta be my fave movies as well!"

Them: "Woah. You are, like, the coolest person I have met - ever."

You: "Serious? Well how's about you and I grab some lunch sometime?"

Them: "No thanks. I think I'd rather date that person over there."

Were you just punched in the stomach? It sure feels like it. You look over and see some homely character reading a 2003 Sports Almanac, wearing some prominently logo-ed sweater and sporting a swank Bush-Cheney button.

You: "You have got to be kidding."

Them: "Well, you do have all I'm looking for in a lover, but you're just too overqualified."

You: "Holy Funk and Wagnalls."

Your retro ca-reer muh-muh-muh-melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melted!
Muh-Melteeeed!

Geneffects

My Retro Career Muh-Muh-Muh-Melted

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